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OUR BLOG

By Deer Tribe / In October 15, 2024

Brotherhood Circles

For over 35 years, I’ve been part of the Men’s Council – a brotherhood circle. This circle was initially led by Bill Wahlberg, and then after a couple of years, he handed the group over to Rob Hejna and me, and we started to have meetings at my home.

On any given Friday, our monthly gathering would attract over 40 men, but there was a great deal of turnover, so we decided that Rob would have his group in the Ann Arbor area while I stayed with folks in the greater Detroit area. This made the group more manageable, but still too many of the guys were uncommitted – this manifested as poor attendance or by little or no contribution to the group. 

Finally, to gain a deeper connection to spiritual growth, we decided to shift the focus of the group and tried to get down to business. We had about 20 guys and did things together such as rope courses, camping trips, gatherings at the homes of guys and periodic Purification Lodge ceremonies. 

After about 4 years, there were around 15 men in the Council, and another transformation occurred because we asked the question; are we a club or a council? In other words, if you attend our meetings because you are simply wanting connection to a group of guys and spend time chatting about work/family challenges and going out for a beer, then you want a club. 

If instead, you want to explore what it means to be a man and the masculine mysteries, you should be part of the Council. After consolidating to 11 committed individuals, we engaged in monthly meetings and bi-monthly Purification Lodge ceremonies for two decades, focusing on deepening connections among members.

Do we need Brotherhood Circles?

Yes! The data about the health and well-being of men in the US is scary, and most probably it is not so different in other parts of the world. According to Richard V. Reeves, the author of Of Boys and Men, “one in five fathers are not living with their children. Men account for almost three out of four “deaths of despair”, either from suicide or overdose. Men are struggling in the labor market because of an economic shift away from traditional male jobs.” 

DTMMS BENEFIT

A fundraiser at the Rainbow Power Center in Phoenix, AZ Saturday, December 14, 2024

1pm MST | in Person & Online

Activities include:

  • Live Music
  • Silent & Live Auctions
  • Guest Speakers

Join us in person for great food and drinks. Can’t attend?
Zoom in to say hello, watch the livestream, and join the silent auction.

Proceeds support the general fund, scholarships for longhouses and apprentices facing financial or medical challenges.

The evidence is overwhelming that the role of men today has changed and is on a downward trajectory. Brotherhood circles are needed to combat the loneliness men experience and the lack of support available for them when life’s challenges seem too great.

I have come to realize that as men go through their 30’s and 40’s they are consumed with jobs, families, kids, there is a lack of fun in their lives and their old pals are just as busy as they are. These men are alone in a swirling world. There is no shortage of things to do, but very few of them involve paying attention to Spirit.  

After about age 50, things start to change. A man becomes more reflective and starts asking, “is that all there is?” By then the kids are grown, the job has changed multiple times, the family has changed, he may or may not be financially secure, he may or may not have a community of like-minded people and trusted friends. 

Regardless, he has some big decisions to make; he will get older no matter what.
The questions he faces are:
Has he discovered why he has chosen to be here in a man’s body, at this time in history, and what is his true genius, his Sacred Dream? 
Has he done the inner work to know what his soul is asking for?
Is he able to see, hear, feel, touch, and know Spirit? 
Is he ready to bring forth into the world his beauty and blessing in its fullness?

Here are my takeaways, after doing this for so long:

  • Men are eager to share what is going on in their lives with other men.
  • It takes time and deeds before men are willing to share on a deep level; trust is required.
  • Talking about things can only last for a certain amount of time;  men need action.
  • Action can take many forms but acts of service as a group is great.
  • Helping each other with home projects is fun and offers meaningful contributions.
  • It will require a leader at the start to carry the ball and hold the vision. Over time leadership can be shared.
  • There should only be fees for transparent things like firewood, propane, food, etc.  No one is getting paid.
  • Meeting once a month seems to work but some groups prefer to meet quarterly.

Today, only six of the original members of the Men’s Council remain. This is the downside of having a closed group. The upside is the depth of what you can achieve when you know each other so well and where confrontation is the norm. 

I am blessed by having the Men’s Council brotherhood in my life. This core group of six men have remained strong and are as committed as I am to do the depth work that fosters the profound personal growth needed to reveal our Souls. We may all approach it differently, but our shared goal is not only to become better men but to fully embrace what it means to be an elder at this time.

By Tim McDonald

Tim has been on the SMSD path for over 3 decades. He is a Sun Dancer and has served on the DTMMS Board of Directors in various roles until 2022 when he chose to step into the position of Executive Director of DTMMS Operations. Since January 2024, he has fully retired.

His area of greatest interest is engaging with men and helping them to become the best versions of themselves through ceremonies, brotherhood circles, Rites of Passage, acts of service, deep contemplation and mutual support.

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