Part of our Tyrants blog series where you will learn the many faces of the tyrants. You will learn about the other tyrants of life like time, situations, space and the environment. You will also learn about the people called “Two-Legged Tyrants” and what their focus is for tyranting you. You will clearly see how you opened the door and let the tyrant in. Best of all, this series teaches you how to stop any tyrant from stealing your life force energy and how to count coup and gain the true teaching for both you and the tyrant.
In each of the tyrants will begin with a story to give an example of what this tyrant is like and how to count coup on them.
Margo was a successful real estate agent who is enjoying a day off. She had her entire day slated for being outside, gardening and lying at the pool side. She picked up her book and a tall glass of iced tea and headed for the pool. Just as she crossed the threshold of the door the telephone rang. She hesitated and pondered whether she should answer the phone. For one moment she considered not answering it and then began to think of all the possibilities. “It could be this important client or perhaps someone is sick”. It was very important for Margo to do the right thing and make the correct decisions, so she often agonized over small things like answering the phone.
Looking out into the sunshine, she gave a sigh and picked up the telephone, “Hello this is Margo”.
The voice on the other end of the line said “Margo, dear, I was just calling to say hello and ask a small favor of you”. At the sound of the voice, Margo’s energy went stone cold. It was her mother. About a year or so before, Margo’s father had died suddenly of a heart attack and her mother was having a problem adjusting to being alone. Her mother was usually sad and used guilt to get Margo to do things for her. On one hand Margo felt sorry for her mother and wished to do the right thing by helping, but her mother’s demands had steadily increased.
The conversation continued “Margo, I know you have been very busy these days and I haven’t wanted to bother you. But I really do need to get to the store to buy a few things, do you think you could come over and take me?”
“Well mom, today is my only day off and I was planning to relax”,
“Well okay then, I guess I will just have to go without. It was such a small thing to ask. I was sure you wouldn’t mind”,
Margo began to waiver and just then her eyes fell upon the float swirling on the pool. “Gee, Mom, I would really like to take you. How about tomorrow?”
“You know, Margo, when your father was alive he was so grand, he would take me anywhere I wanted to go. I guess those days are gone forever. I miss him so much. All I have is you now, dear, and I’m thankful for that”. Margo began to squirm inside herself and was now thrown into deep conflict about whether to take her mother or stay home and relax.
Many times Margo had been in this position with her mother. And many times she had either given in to her, or gotten angry and ended up saying things that hurt her. In her heart Margo felt that her mother was really asking for something else, and she wished to find another way to deal with her mother.
Just then Margo had an insight. She said “I know it has been difficult since Dad died, and what I hear you really saying is you don’t feel loved right now. Is that what’s going on? Because, Mom, if that is what’s happening, I can come over and take you to the store. But you’re not feeling loved will still be there when I leave. I love you a lot, Mom, and I can take you to the store tomorrow. How about it?”
Description
The sad, melancholy, guilt provoking tyrant is sad and feels sorry for themselves. They are very controlling and communicate with heavy emotional content where logic is often missing. When this tyrant is in action they are self-centered and wallowing in self-pity. Their identity is formulated around a set of rules and laws that are theirs and theirs alone.
Underlying Cause
For the northwest tyrant their personal story is their focus. They are acting out a drama and often oblivious to reality. They often carry a fanatic energy about this drama. It is this story that makes them doubt whether they are loved and liked or appreciated. Usually their doubt is hidden and not directly expressed. It is the root of the sad, melancholy and guilt-provoking behavior. This tyrant is stressed out and depressed and use these as weapons to try to make you stressed and depressed as well. This becomes the only design for their life.
Unconscious Motivation
The sad, melancholy and guilt provoking tyrant is trying to get the actualization and fulfillment of their own personal vision. If a direct application of control does not work, then they will show you how they have sacrificed for you. It is through your feelings of right and wrong that the tyrant tries to control your behavior by inducing guilt, blame and shame.
Once the tyrant has you doubting how you feel, then the flood of insecurities occurs and you begin to question what has meaning for you and so does the tyrant. “Do you really love/appreciate me?” comes the unspoken question. It not only elicits doubt in them, but in you as well. (Do I really love them?) Both people become more insecure and the vicious cycle repeats itself. Our inner pretender voice starts to echo that of the tyrant.
Impact of the Tyrant
This tyrant will make a big impact on you if you allow your Inner Tyrant to be swayed by the drama of their trauma. If you are not clear and secure about what is right and wrong for you in a given situation, you easily buy into the guilt provoking behavior. Perhaps the guilt is so strong that you do what the tyrant wants you to do out of obligation or to win approval and appreciation. After all, we want love too. Or it could go the other way: you could do or say what is necessary to gain control of your space. When you are at the effect of this tyrant, no matter what you do, you lose energy and experience stress.
This tyrant counts on you to keep the game going by your denial of what is going on underneath (their feelings of being unloved). They are in the throes of a major lack of self-love. They are communicating to you “I don’t know I am loved.” The only vision this tyrant has for their life is wanting you to validate their worth.
As a result you become trapped by your own poor attitude and lack of self-worth, lose your positive approach to life, and get caught in your own anger at yourself for once again playing into the tyrant’s desires. Most often this tyrant is unable to hold their space with you and deal with the places inside themselves that are closed. They, therefore, project all their insecurities onto you.
Join us on the next blog as we take a closer look at this tyrant. See what you need to do to count coup on this tyrant and be at cause in your circle.
Excerpted from “A Course of Study, Series B: Module 2: The Tyrants of Life″, written by Mary Flaming Crystal Mirror.
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